i came on her dog
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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