Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
