She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
