i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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