not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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