How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
