I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You are the jesus of drinking
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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