haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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