I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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