it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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