He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
