Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
