I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
