NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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