I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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