She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
