i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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