Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
