you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
