can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have fence marks all over my body
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
