have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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