Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
