Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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