Umm I'm too high to move.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
