new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
