there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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