fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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