maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
