My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
