Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
