Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
