Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
