thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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