i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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