My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
