Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
