just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
