I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
