I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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