And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
