My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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