I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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