paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
