I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
