i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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