Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
