Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
