The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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