So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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