Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
